This week it really hit me. The inability to get off the couch. The lack of motivation to do anything. The frustration and sadness for what is going on out there. In this city that I love.
This dirty city. This 90% humidity in June, loud, sticky, sometimes (lets be honest, most of the time) human pee covered city.
This blossoming city. Where women are banding together to make homemade masks for the community and for the hospitals. Where local clothing stores are donating materials. Where restaurants are donating food to the homeless. Where every night at 7pm, people lean out their windows or stand on their stoops and cheer for the essential workers keeping our city safe.
On Wednesday I stopped. I couldn't move. The next day was pretty much the same. I had been forcing myself to remain calm and find distractions from feeling scared of what happens when I let myself think about what is really going on. And what is going on is scary. This is a whole new world and we don't have a timeline for when things "get back to normal" other than knowing it's probably going to be a while. To be honest, I don't know that we will ever get back to normal.
But I found a way to get through. I allowed myself to stop. Because no one but me is telling me to go. I allowed myself to sit in this feeling and recognize that it is valid.
This week I felt unmotivated, because there is no motivation. Up until this week I had been baking, and making bread, and sewing masks, and working out, and running, and writing a screenplay, and zoom meeting friends to read screenplays, and puzzling. Doing my best to motivate myself. Doing my best not to take for granted the very privileged position I am in. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have a job that allows me to work from home. I have a partner to quarantine with.
Oh yeah... and I had been working on this. This weekend I finished this. This weekend I felt a little spark of joy in having time to be creative. Maybe it's a distraction, but maybe that's okay.
This is a song by my father. This is a song that felt so NY to me. So "When Harry Met Sally." I listened to it and I saw the streets of NY. So I told him I was going to make a music video for it. And I did. This is just one experience of quarantine. I do not pretend to stand for all. But I hope it brings you a little joy, a little smile, and a little reminder that you are not alone. Stay strong. Stay home.
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